january 14th

No shopping. Not even a sniff.

I have just had my 2nd breast operation, and it has gone well. I am happy with the thought that my right breast will look the same as the left and that the muscle twitching on the left side will abate now that the lovely Mr Searle has tweeked it.

thoughts....

this time last year I knew I had a wierd lump in my breast but had not told anyone. I was about to go to Africa and I didn't want to spoil the trip. I'm glad I didn't. I had a wonderful time in Africa and my cancer was still found to be stage 1 when it was finally diagnosed on 17th Feb.

Being invalid-ed again now with this relatively minor cosmetic opp has reminded me how far I have come in my recovery from the double mastectomy in April last year. I was nearly back in my body, nearly, not quite, but very close. I was beginning to enjoy walking around naked and feeling free. Now I am back in a horrible corset and feeling stiff and tired again. I am trying hard to dwell on the positive aspects...which are:

I do not have cancer

I have a brilliant surgeon

I have the chance to perfect my reconstruction

I will be comfortable in a bikini for our holiday in March

The pain and discomfort I feel now are nothing compared to what I went through in April

My wonderful body is healing and all is well

I have discovered a huge amount of love that sustains me and motivates me, through this disease.

I am more and more determined to value what is really important.

I have spent today lying around feeling quite sorry for myself coming down from the morphine high of the anaesthetic and feeling stiff and sore....again..... I am sure I will heal quickly. I am so very on the case with my juicing and linseed and general self care. This really is the first time ever that i have truly been good to myself, with no random self sabotaging, and I can't quite believe I am doing it. No thoughts of shopping or clothes...I'm back in a hideous corset and my pj's....